On an outrageous conversation.

Conversation with a not-so-elderly relative this morning-

Relative: Hi. Long time. You never call these days. You have completely forgotten all of us. Very busy you guys are!

Me: How are you doing? (Yes, yes and yes. Bleh.)

Relative: We are all well. Achha listen. I had to ask you something very urgent.

Me: Yes. Tell me.

Relative: You know we are looking for a girl for “X” no?

Me: Hm.

Relative: There is a shommondhho* from “Y” you know. She is from your college. One batch your senior. Do you know her?

Me: No. I don’t.

Relative: Listen we have seen her bio data. And we know the family is good. But there is one problem you know.

Me: What?

Relative: Actually our friend through whom the shommondhho* has come says that the girl is a little plump. So I was wondering if you can find out how fat “Y” is.

Me: What? (WHAT THE FUCK?)

Relative: Yes, yes. You know “X” is tall and slim and a fat girl will not look nice with him.

Me: What? (ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE?)

Relative: Yes, yes. Can you call a friend to find out? It is a very urgent matter you know. I must know by this evening.

Me: You need to know by this evening how fat “Y” is?

Relative: Yes.

Me: Sorry. I can’t help. Really.

Relative: But can’t you call a friend?

Me: Yes I can. But not to find out how fat a person is. Sorry.

Relative: Please try. It is very urgent.

Me: No. I am sorry.

Relative: You can call a friend a pretend that you are trying to place “Y” but can’t seem to remember how she looked. Then they would tell you how she looks. Can’t you do that?

Me: No. I cannot. And I will not.

And with that I end the call.

I am REALLY angry with her. More disgusted than angry. I am disgusted that I am even remotely related to such people. Who stop at nothing. Who have no self respect, no shame and definitely no concern for other people’s feelings. How DARE she even ask me to place such a call?

And of course, “X”, the long haired free spirited and rather nice cousin of mine has no idea that such enquiries are being made. He would probably be mad with rage if he ever hears of such a thing.

And “Y”, I hope for your own good that you are spared of having such a terrible mother in law. Who is prejudiced without even seeing you once, without even getting to know you. I am sure you deserve much much better.

And as for me, I have never been diplomatic. Never tried. So I am not doing it this time around as well. I will not pretend to “find out” about her “fatness” in the guise of asking other innocent questions to my friend/s.

To hell with that relative. She has a heart as ugly as her toes.

*Rishta/ Marriage proposal

Of the “bye”.

I don’t know why people hang up without saying “bye”. I feel terrible when after a conversation I am left at one end of the line open mouthed and about to say the parting words and follow up with “see you soon” and the like, that I hear the “click”. And I am taken aback every time that happens. Takes me seconds to close my mouth and more often than not I say “bye” to the phone. Very sad.

For example, I often have these short quick conversations twice or thrice a day with a certain elderly person (R). Now every time he calls, the conversation ends with-

R: Yes yes, just send that cheque and make sure the zip code is written

Me: Okay. Will Do. B….

R: Click. C.L.I.C.K.

Me: ye….

….

….

Close mouth. Stare at phone. Sigh.

Also with my husband, again one R, there seems to be a “bye” problem. He never has the time. So it sounds like-

Me: Achha should I send the driver now to pick you up?

R: Now? But I have a meeting blah blah blah yawn yawn yada yada yada  hour.

Me:  Okay then.

R: B. Click.

Me: (Doesn’t even realize that the phone has been disconnected) Bye then! Will see….(and then I hear that disconnected sound- damn!)

And please note that B sounds like a “Bah” or a “Bha” and never a bye.

He has irritated me so much with this that now I make it a point to rush through my sentences so that I get to say the “Bah” or the “Bha” first. Sometimes in my rush I even hang up without completing the last words. Doesn’t matter! I get to hang up first!

And one more, just one more. This time its an uncle-

A: So what are you guys doing now? Have you had dinner?

Me: Just sitting down. And I have to heat up the fish…

A: (Cheerfully) Have dinner then! *Hangs up.

Beep Beep Beep

Me: Still open mouthed and with words at the tip of my tongue.

The problem is, people who do this do not even realize that they are rude. They have no idea how it sounds. What alarms me is that the trend is catching up. Every other person seems to be hanging up without exercising the minimum courtesy. I wonder what prompts people to do this. Thoughtlessness, showing off that they are busy, indifference? Which one?  I think it just shows that they are rude. Very rude for not being able to spare that one second to mouth a simple “bye”.

If anyone in the habit of being in a hurry to hang up is reading this post please spare a tiny second from you ever busy schedule. Think of the other person who might be getting ready to say a few nice parting words before you hang up. Say “bye”. Or how about making it a habit? Like when you pick up you say “hello” and then when you hang up you say “bye”. Yes yes, you were taught this at home and in school but unfortunately you have merrily forgotten that.

And in the meantime I’ll just try and slyly make sure my husband reads this post. And I’ll update you the minute I hear that “bye” from him!