Conversation with a not-so-elderly relative this morning-
Relative: Hi. Long time. You never call these days. You have completely forgotten all of us. Very busy you guys are!
Me: How are you doing? (Yes, yes and yes. Bleh.)
Relative: We are all well. Achha listen. I had to ask you something very urgent.
Me: Yes. Tell me.
Relative: You know we are looking for a girl for “X” no?
Relative: There is a shommondhho* from “Y” you know. She is from your college. One batch your senior. Do you know her?
Me: No. I don’t.
Relative: Listen we have seen her bio data. And we know the family is good. But there is one problem you know.
Relative: Actually our friend through whom the shommondhho* has come says that the girl is a little plump. So I was wondering if you can find out how fat “Y” is.
Me: What? (WHAT THE FUCK?)
Relative: Yes, yes. You know “X” is tall and slim and a fat girl will not look nice with him.
Me: What? (ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE?)
Relative: Yes, yes. Can you call a friend to find out? It is a very urgent matter you know. I must know by this evening.
Me: You need to know by this evening how fat “Y” is?
Me: Sorry. I can’t help. Really.
Relative: But can’t you call a friend?
Me: Yes I can. But not to find out how fat a person is. Sorry.
Relative: Please try. It is very urgent.
Me: No. I am sorry.
Relative: You can call a friend a pretend that you are trying to place “Y” but can’t seem to remember how she looked. Then they would tell you how she looks. Can’t you do that?
Me: No. I cannot. And I will not.
And with that I end the call.
I am REALLY angry with her. More disgusted than angry. I am disgusted that I am even remotely related to such people. Who stop at nothing. Who have no self respect, no shame and definitely no concern for other people’s feelings. How DARE she even ask me to place such a call?
And of course, “X”, the long haired free spirited and rather nice cousin of mine has no idea that such enquiries are being made. He would probably be mad with rage if he ever hears of such a thing.
And “Y”, I hope for your own good that you are spared of having such a terrible mother in law. Who is prejudiced without even seeing you once, without even getting to know you. I am sure you deserve much much better.
And as for me, I have never been diplomatic. Never tried. So I am not doing it this time around as well. I will not pretend to “find out” about her “fatness” in the guise of asking other innocent questions to my friend/s.
To hell with that relative. She has a heart as ugly as her toes.
*Rishta/ Marriage proposal