Will be right back.

Post as written on 02/02/2010

I am taking a break from this space for some time. It’s not like I don’t feel like writing. I do. I have things to write about. Like my best friend of twenty years who got married. Like R’s birthday plans which got terribly spoiled. Like how I have come to dread going back to the empty house every evening. Like how I don’t like leaving office these days. Like how my immunity system is completely screwed up and how I have become this pale looking girl with dark circles who falls sick every time she decides to have a spoonful of her favorite chicken fried rice.

Yes. You guessed it right. I am in a mood to crib. My mind can’t quite focus on one thing. My thoughts are not happy and exciting. They are not insightful either. I feel selfish and want to wallow in self pity for a while.

And when I realize none of that will ever help me, I’ll come back right here and vent it all out. To my blog. To you, my readers.

You all still would be here, no? Yes?

*Sniff*

For my grandmother.

Post as written on 28/01/2010

I can’t stop thinking about you. Every time I close my eyes I see your face. I hear your determined voice. I can almost feel the warmth of your touch. Sometimes I break into a smile when I think of the way I used to lie beside you and tell you of my adventures. The way you stroked my hair when I used to put my head on your lap, the way you stood up for me, the way you would wait for me to come home after a long day, the way you would wait  at the table while I ate. Yes. I think of all that and more.

With every passing day, I know I am losing you a little bit. You are going a little further away. I can see that your face has shrunk, your voice has lost the strength, the eyes have become blank. I know that you are tired. Tired of fighting, of being strong, of living on medication. Tired of taking care of everyone and making things alright. I know, you want to go. Somewhere far far away from here.

If it were in my hands, I would change a thousand things. I would make everything better for you. I would want you to feel no pain. I would let you go now. You have fought too long a battle. You have had too many hurdles to cross and too many people to take care of. You have won. It is your time to rest. To be at peace. And you will be, I promise. It will be over soon. You will be with the one you have loved so dearly, the one who left you too early but for whom you have gone on for so long.

I am crying now and I probably forever will when you go away. But then, I will always hope of seeing you someday and lie down with my head on your lap one more time.

As long as I have one hope, like you said, I will always do just fine with my life.