Pancake update!!

Pooja has been my inspiration to make pancakes. She makes excellent banana pancakes herself and I followed her instructions blindly and made my own guesses for proportions.

Plain Pancakes: 

You will need -

1 egg

Quite a bit of flour (maida)

About a cup of milk 

Pinch of salt

Pinch of baking powder

About two table spoons of butter (I used some margarine. You can use white oil instead if you wish)

Method-

Beat all the above ingredients together till they blend smoothly. Make sure the blend is not too runny. It should be of medium to thick consistency.

Heat a shallow frying pan.

Use a deep ladle to scoop up the blend and pour it in the hot pan.

Watch it baking till the top of the pan cake seems firm. 

Turn it over and bake the other side.

***

Voila! Your pancake is ready.

Apart from the pancakes, I made eggs and sausages.

***

Eggs: 

You will need-

Couple of eggs

One small onion (I always use red onions)

One green chilly (depends on how much heat you can take)

Salt

Milk

Method-

Break eggs. Mix with onions, chillies, salt and milk. 

Beat with a fork till some froth appears. 

Put a few drops of white oil in a frying pan and let it heat up till smoky. 

Pour the eggs. Scramble and serve hot! 

Sausages: 

You will need-

Sausages (I used about 8 breakfast sausages)

Chilli flakes

Lemon

Salt

Method-

Defrost sausages. 

Put a few drops of oil in the frying pan and let it heat up till smoky. 

Throw in the sausages.

Squeeze a little bit of lime. 

Throw in some chilli flakes and just a little salt. 

Fry for a little while and serve hot! 

VOILA! Your full course breakfast is ready :) Here’s how ours turned out

On hopes and tomorrows

Sometimes you just need hope to get through one single day. One single night. Sometimes you just need that one thing to look forward to the next morning.

For me, I am looking forward to tomorrow morning. I have a breakfast date with R. We are making pancakes, sausages, scrambled eggs and filter coffee.

After the breakfast, you ask? I don’t know. I just don’t know. I’ll see tomorrow. I am ready to wait till tomorrow.

On this evening when I cannot smile.

My mother is leaving tomorrow. And that is all I can think about while I sit in the drawing room and stare with a blank look in my eyes at my mother’s figure moving deftly around the open kitchen frying some fish, adding saffron to the chicken and checking the salt in the daal. And she hums to herself. All the time.

I can’t hum. Not now, anyways. My heart feels heavier than a stone and my head feels empty every time I think of tomorrow afternoon. My mother is leaving tomorrow afternoon.

Ma baked a chocolate cake with a hint of coffee. She looked after the plants. Took care of my laundry and ironing. She ordered groceries. She made tea. She was there to watch TV with me, to go out in the evenings with me, to have dinner with me, to hug me every night and kiss me when I left for work every morning. She let me crash on the sofa with the TV on and woke me up only for meals.

She let me be.

And now. She is leaving. She is taking a big piece of me away with her this time. I don’t want to let go of her. But she has to go. She has to leave.

So she is leaving. She is leaving. She is leaving.

The wind this morning.

Today, in the morning, I woke up to a sound of a flower pot crashing. When I rushed out to my balcony I saw it was not one of mine. I opened the balcony doors, the windows in the bedrooms. Things fell, photo frames collapsed. R stood around trying to balance a vase in his hands and stopping the bedroom door from slamming shut with his foot. My mother was blissfully sleeping, snoring softly and completely ignorant about things crashing all around. I was in the kitchen stirring some sugar in my very large cup of tea and suddenly found myself wondering rather aloud “Where is the wind coming from?”

No one really  knows. Do they?

Wind on the Hill

A.A.Milne

1882- 1956

“No one can tell me,
Nobody knows,
Where the wind comes from,
Where the wind goes.

It’s flying from somewhere
As fast as it can,
I couldn’t keep up with it,
Not if I ran.

But if I stopped holding
The string of my kite,
It would blow with the wind
For a day and a night.

And then when I found it,
Wherever it blew,
I should know that the wind
Had been going there too.

So then I could tell them
Where the wind goes…
But where the wind comes from
Nobody knows”.

 

On having a blackberry. Or maybe not.

So I have been wanting a Blackberry for the longest time. Various petitions have been made to R and a few friends, much effort put in with “I am the only one left without a Blackberry”, “You guys are always on BBM and all of you have stopped replying to my messages”, “You guys are logged into your emails. I don’t have that.” All of this didn’t work.

Then I tried my usual “Guys, I work with an NGO, I don’t get paid, I can’t spend money on a BB”. Which did not work either. The explicit plea of “Please buy me a Blackberry” / “Please give me your old Blackberry” was trashed as well. Hmph.

And all these days I was really really convinced about having a Blackberry. I thought I am missing out on oh-just-so-much because I don’t have a Blackberry.

Until I saw this advertisement. And thereafter it took me about a minute and thirty six seconds (which is the length of the advertisement) to make up my mind about not having a Blackberry. Take a look. What do you guys feel about it?

 

PS- And you know why this advertisement moved me so much? Because I just feel SO invisible at times. Really. That one email cannot wait for five minutes? Just let me finish telling you how much I love you. No?

That thing called beauty.

IndiBlogger Badge The following post has been written for the  Yahoo! India and Dove “I Believe in Real Beauty” under the topic “What does real beauty mean to me?” Hop over to the yahoo page here to read more on Real Beauty.  And you can vote for me too- right here

I. 

 “Uma! Hurry up. They will be here any minute”

“Ashchhi (coming) Ma! I can’t believe you asked me to come early for this!”

“Chhod-di (common bengali terminology for “younger sister”). Cha (“tea“). You are wearing that?”

Uma stands in front of the mirror brushing her hair vigorously. “What is wrong with this?” she asks Pushpadi pointing at her yellow and orange cotton skirt and the white top.

Pushpa wipes the cup with the corner of her saree and puts it down on the dressing table.  She starts wiping off the dust from the dressing table and tries to explain to Uma why it is inappropriate to wear that skirt and why she should wear the gold bangles and not the cheap ones bought off the street.

“Pushpa di. You see, he is not going to marry me anyways. You know them.”

“No I don’t know them. I know you and I know you never listen to your mother.”

“Will you stop wiping my table, please. There is nothing left to be wiped there.”

Pushpa turns away and looks around the room. There are books lying around on the bed. Some are heaped into a pile on the reading table. She picks up the newspapers from the floor and the red coffee mug from the bedside table. The cup has little hearts on it. “Your Baba, gave this to you? No?” Uma doesn’t bother to answer. She has tied up her hair in a bun and is looking for her kohl in her handbag.

“Do you think, I should leave my hair open and let him admire my long cascading knee length hair?” Uma, asks with a smile. Her cheeks are dimpled.

Pushpa begins to say something but sees the sarcasm in Uma’s eyes. She stands near the windows and stares at the sky. The stars are almost there. Almost. If only that orange streak would go away and the let the evening quietly set in.

“If only your father was here today…”

“He isn’t Pushpa di. He isn’t.” Uma says, looking at Pushpa’s reflection in the mirror with a stubborn streak in her eyes. “It is Ma, you and me. He isn’t here with us anymore.”

II. 

 “Ma can you hear me?”

“Yes. Where are you calling from? Why aren’t you in the hostel? Its 9 pm.”

“Ma. I am at the Police station. I have been raped. They are taking me to the hospital.”

***

“Why were you wearing these clothes? And you were out with a boy in the evening?”

“Yes Baba.”

“And you complain of rape?”

“I didn’t invite it Baba.”

“Hah! You think!”

***

“You are not being the mother that you should be.”

“What?”

“You should be talking to her about dressing appropriately. And her boyfriends.”

“What is inappropriate about what she is wearing?”

“You call yourself educated? You can’t even say what’s wrong with that?”

***

“Why does she sleep so much?”

“She is on her semester break. What do you expect her to do?”

“She should be in the kitchen. Helping you. Marriage is only a few years away.”

“She does not need to be in kitchen. I can have her sipping tea on the couch and reading a book the whole day.”

“With a mother like you she will never keep her in laws happy. Already we have a problem with her. And now you add on to it.”

“What problem?”

“She has been raped. Don’t you see the problem?”

“No. I don’t.”

***

“I want a divorce.”

“Really?”

“Uma has given me all the print outs of your emails and chats. She has your password.”

“What? Try and divorce me. I’ll make your life hell. This is my house.”

“No it’s mine. I bought it. Paid for it and I’ll keep it.”

***

“Your mother is throwing me out of the house. Don’t you want to do something?”

“I don’t stand up for adultery Baba.”

“This stupid education has gone into your head”

III. 

 “Oh God! This PhD application, Ma! Why on earth do I have to fill up all of this?”

“Why do you keep biting that pen?”

“Why do they ask for father’s name?”

“Why? You don’t know your father’s name?”

“I’ll talk to the registrar tomorrow. I’ll put in your name.”

“Must you fight with everyone?”

“Must you stop me from chopping off my hair all the time?”

***

“Ma. I got the lectureship in that college. I’ll get to stay at home! La-dee-dah.”

“Stop la-dee-dahing. Do you have a boyfriend?”

“What? No. I don’t.”

“When are you coming?”

“I have to join next week.”

“Come before Saturday then. You should meet some people.”

“What? Who?”

“You will see.”

IV. 

 “I am twenty six, yes. And no I am not married. And no, I have never had a boyfriend. Why do you ask?”

“I was wondering if you are a virgin. You know you have stayed outside and all.”

“I am twenty seven. I teach in a college. Can I ask you something?”

“Please do. Its so nice to talk to you face to face.”

“What do you feel about rape victims?”

“Poor girls. All that lack of education and awareness.”

“I am a survivor of rape. I was raped by a Police officer. What does education have to do with this?”

***

“Uma, will you please stop scaring these people off?”

“Who is scaring who?”

“You. All these boys. Do you know how upset Niyogi aunty is?”

“Why do you think I am scaring them?”

“Why do you ask so many questions?”

“If I answer that can I chop off my hair?”

V. 

Uma walks into the living room in her orange skirt. The last rays of the sun have made patterns on the wall. The room is filled with a strange silence as soon as she makes an appearance. She crosses the entire length of the room and chooses the big couch against the wall to settle herself in.

“Hi. How have you been aunty?.”

“Hello. I have been good only. So hot here! How are you?”

“Good, aunty. How about you? Why haven’t you eaten anything as yet?”

“its just too hot to have anything. We were just talking about the weather here. Such a difference from last year. Impossible to step out of the house.”

“Uma, you know Abhi. You guys have been in touch.”

Uma smiles and looks out of the corner of her eyes at the crisp white shirt and the blue jeans. The shirt is open at the collar. Is he clean shaven? She looks at his face and sees him staring at her. She frowns, his mouth breaks into a quiet smile.

“Uma.”

“Yes, Ma.”

“Why don’t you guys go to the terrace?”

“What in this heat?”

“Can we go for a drive”, suggests an unknown voice. Uma looks at the white shirt, blue jeans clad clean shaven man. He struggles very hard to hide a laughter.

“Yes.” Uma looks at her mother. “A drive would be nice, Ma.”

***

Uma sits in the car with her legs crossed on the front seat. She rummages through his CD collection and picks out one and plays it.

“Do you smoke?”asks Uma.

“When I feel like it.”

“I feel like one now.”

“We can stop at the corner and pick up some.”

“You don’t mind?”

“No. Only the windows have to be rolled down. It gets very stuffy otherwise.”

“Why do you want to marry me?” Uma asks, taking a long drag from the cigarette and releasing her hair from the two hair pins that were holding it in place.

“I like you.”

“I have been raped. My parents are divorced. My father lives with his girlfriend. I smoke. And I don’t believe women are meant to marry and have babies only. Oh! I am over thirty! And that is criminal, you know.”

“So?”

“You know all of this?”

“Yes.”

“How?”

“Niyogi aunty.” They break into squeaks of laughter. Uma taps her ash out of the car window.

“Why do you want to marry me Abhi? Tell me.”

“Because you have survived rape. Because you have survived your parents’ divorce. Because you stand up for what is right.”

Uma forgets to take a drag out of her cigarette. She looks away from him and out of the window.

“Because your hair is beautiful. Because you are beautiful.”

She blinks away the tears that sting her eyes.

“Because I am in love with you.”

She wonders if the knot in her throat can disappear.

“Will you marry me, Uma? I’ll never find another you.”

“I think I will.” She tries in vain to blow smoke rings and not think about that knot in her throat. “I thought I’ll never find a you.”

VI. 

Uma sits on the couch and munches on the left overs. “Where are the chocolate biscuits, Ma?”

“I don’t know, Uma. How did you decide?”

Uma picks up her book from beside her and takes out the book mark.

“He said I could chop off my hair if I felt like it, Ma.”

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Happy thoughts!

You know, no actually you don’t know, my mother is coming tomorrow.

Wait. I need to say it right. MA IS COMING HOME TOMORROW. TOMORROW! MA IS COMING!

Such a happy thought! Heh. And I am such a mother’s child, I tell you. If my mom listens to this she will roll her eyes, very ably hide her smile and remind me of my age. And the fact that I have been on my own for the last ten years.

But. But. That doesn’t change anything. Does it? I am still going to hug a cushion and sleep on the couch with the TV on for three weeks now. And I just need to say “Ohhh. Ma. Its been so long since I have had bhetki pathuri”. And guess what will be cooked for dinner the very next day? :D

Oh! Happiness, happiness. Just a few more hours till you come to me :)

On the Great Gatsby

The last book I read, I liked. I loved.

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald.

Now I am no literature major but you see, I thought this book is just so skillfully written. Jay Gatsby with his dazzling parties and a secret longing that is not fulfilled till the end is portrayed in such a beautiful manner. The conflict between illusion and reality and the utter moral failure of the post war American society that is obsessed with status and wealth! And that secret longing, the hidden dream that Gatsby has.

And these I thought were beautiful:

On a face:

“For a moment that last sunshine fell with romantic affection upon her glowing face; her voice compelled me forward breathlessly as I listened- then the glowed face, each light deserting her with lingering regret, like children leaving a pleasant street at dusk”

On a smile:

“He smiled understandingly- much more than understandingly. It was one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it, that you may come across four or five times in life. It faced- or seemed to face- the whole eternal world for an instant, and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favour. It understood you just so far as you wanted to be understood, believed in you as would like to believe in yourself, and assured you that it had precisely the impression of you that, at your best, you hope to convey.”

On a night:

“One autumn night, five years before, they had been walking down the street when the leaves were falling, and they came to a place where there were no trees and the sidewalk was white was moonlight. They stopped here and turned toward each other. Now it was a cool night with that mysterious excitement in it which comes at the two changes of the year. The quiet lights in the houses were humming out into darkness and there was a stir and bustle among stars.”

And on an end:

“Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that’s no matter- tomorrow we will run faster, stretch our arms further….And one fine morning-

So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past. ”

P.S. – I cannot write a book review. I cannot quite even express my appreciation for good books in a proper way!

On the little things in life.

I am borrowing this tag from SMM who borrowed it from Monika. It seems like a good exercise to list out the small things in life that makes one happy. Here are mine

-          A cloudy rainy morning in the middle of summer

-          Coming back home to R

-          A long big lazy brunch on Sunday

-          My Monday dates with A. Yes, we have biriyani dates, grocery dates. All on Mondays.

-          A cup of black tea and a good book

-          A good book

-          A call from a friend after five long years!

-          Opening my email in the morning and finding an email from S in my inbox

-          Swimming

-          Traveling

-          Writing

-          Writing. Writing. Writing.

-          Discovering money in an unwashed pair of jeans

-          Red and white carnations

-          Being able to have my closest people on my chat list and pinging them throughout the day

-          Saturday lunches with P

-          Saturday evenings

-          Sunday mornings when I can sneak in some extra sleep and wake up to a steaming cup of tea and biscuits, courtesy R.

-          Mum’s food. Chilly chicken, alu posto and fish curry. *Sigh*

-          Julia Roberts

-          Calvin and Hobbes

-          Kissing R goodnight. Waking up in his arms every.single.day.

-          Shoes. And bags. And the smell of new books.

I am passing on this tag to Utopia, Suchismita and Ree (who is new to blogging). And I want to tag this one, but she just puts up pics on FB these days and refuses to blog. Hmph.

I need

1) Your prayers. Lots of it. R’s mum is in the hospital again. (Yes, she was discharged only in mid March after her month long stay the last time). Please send lots of good cheer, sunshine and positive thoughts her way.

And for once in my life I am not being able to feel bright and shiny and think everything’s gonna be just fine. So yes, I need a little help. A little hope. 

2) A more professional work environment. Don’t get me wrong here. I love my work, I love what I do, I love the fact that I can wear skirts and 3/4ths to work. That I don’t have to keep buying shirts and salwar kameez for work. But I would like a little more professionalism. Response to emails, taking ownership and responsibility for your bit of work, coming to work on time, keeping deadlines, resigning in appropriate manner, NOT dragging your feet in office while working - of course, to name a few.

Fresh shirts and smart shoes can bring a lot of difference you know. Really. 

3) A place to call my own in Calcutta.

And I cannot explain this. At all. 

4) My mother. Here. With me. Right now.

And she is not coming this summer. 

5) A lot of strength to go see my grandmother. And to fight the tears when I hold her hand. And when I have to let go.

The last time she took about twenty minutes to let go of my hand.

***

I am a little more than disoriented at the moment and my brain seems to be scattered more than usual. A little too much going on in life.

I got rid of my nose pin and got a nose ring for myself. Helped get rid of a memory that I did not want to keep.

Random posts. But I am still writing. No? It is okay only? No?

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